Diane
I came to North Chicago when I was almost 18, with my family.
We moved from the south side of Waukegan. The lady next door to us was killed in broad-open daylight. When school was out. My parents got scared and decided to move. We moved quite quickly into the first thing we could find in North Chicago, which was considered a safer community.
I lived here just a few short months before I took off. I did to visit off and on, but I returned to live in 2002, and I've been here ever since.
Off to see the world at 18?
I went to college at Wilberforce University. It's in Ohio. Studying a bunch of stuff; art, psychology and sociology. After graduation I worked here in Lake County as a social worker for the county-wide Headstart program. It was quite fun.
But I didn't stay around very long. Didn't want to. I was dying to leave home. I just wanted to be out and independent– away from my parents. So I went to Chicago, got an apartment, and had a wonderful time. A blast! Oh my God, so much fun. A friend of mine from here and I got an apartment together in Old Town. We were wild and crazy! That was 1968 I think, or ’69. Chicago was such a friendly place. We got into so many predicaments!
What prompted your return to North Chicago 20 years ago?
I left my marriage. After 30 years of marriage I decided this is not working for me, nor him, so I think we’d better separate. We did, and I moved back home with my mother.
Moreover, my mother was giving questionable signs… She's a very independent, active woman who said something to me kind of out of character. When I told her I was leaving my marriage she said, “Well, I wish you'd come home.” I’d planned on going back to Chicago and getting a house and living life. For her to say that was very strange, because my whole life she always said, whatever you want to do is fine with me. And so I came home just for a little while, to see what was going on with her.
My mother was a very neat housekeeper. Whenever I came home to visit, everything looked wonderful. The garden was flourishing. The house was clean and beautiful. Out in the garage was a table that had this lovely tablecloth on it. I uncovered it, and the table fell apart. That was a metaphor for how the whole thing was. She had managed to keep things looking good, but actually they fell apart when you took the cover off. I thought, oh my goodness, I'm here for a while.
For many people, for better or worse, we often feel like we’re turning into our parents…
Oh! I'm turning into her, are you kidding? She's taking over!
In what ways do you think you’re like your mom?
I would say that I'm very careful about what I say to people. You know, no matter how upset I am with them I try to guard my words, especially with my children. And I want to get involved in everybody's life. I want to know what's going on. I tried substitute teaching for a while, and I sucked at it. When you're teaching, you have to keep your boundaries. You've got rules and regulations. No giving kids rides home, no visiting the home. Well, I'm going to go home with everybody to see what was going on! You know, to see how I could help! So that that was not a good mix for me. If somebody was acting out in class, I wanted to know why.
It seems as though you’d established a connection to North Chicago when you were a young woman, but didn’t really have roots until you actually made it your home many years later.
I feel very connected. And my children are getting connected too. When I was gone so long, I lived primarily in New Jersey, in a different kind of community. When I came home to my mother, my children were reactive to our new community. New neighborhood. I remember one time, my son stood out in the middle of the yard. He said, "Mom, whatever you done! You got us in the ghetto!” …It’s been an adjustment.
How old were your kids when you moved?
In their 20s. They came with me. I told them as little kids, you know, wherever I am: You're welcome, but you have to pay rent.
You must have a good relationship with them, that they decided to make the move with you.
They had nothing in New Jersey left. I sold everything!
As we were preparing to move, I had– like an estate sale. [Buyers] would say; "Oh, how about that?” Yeah, take that! “Is this for sale?" Yeah, that's for sale! So I accidentally sold my daughter's lamps. She came home one day and she said, "My room is dark. What's wrong?" Oh, I'm sorry. Somebody bought your lamps!
Well, more accurately, you sold her lamps.
I sold everything. My wedding dishes. You know, the whole thing; the whole set. I’ve got silverware, I got whatever you– make me an offer! We sold everything, so the kids were traumatized, I would say.
I have a reputation for throwing things out. My mother's house was a little cluttery. For me. She's a grandmother: she had gifts from grandchildren– like a troll from McDonald's. Little rubber guy with freaky hair. He was in the living room. He was ugly. And so I just quietly got rid of him. Mother was so glad I was there. She said, "Do whatever you want to. I don't care. Get rid of whatever you want. You know, the house is yours. I'm just delighted you're here." I said Okay!
I got a little carried away and then she said, "Enough! Enough! Don't do touch another thing!"
Other than discovering that your decluttering can go too far for some people, what’s something else you’ve learned?
I'm learning to read. Learning to read– to read. I joined a book club last year, and and the book was so wonderful. Wow, a novel is really a great thing. You know; I would read for information before, read for assistance. A lot of self-help books and spiritual books, but never a novel. Never, never just for the fun of reading. And so now I'm really into reading. I read about a book or two a month.
Any regrets about what you thought was a temporary stay in North Chicago turning into a permanent one?
It’s been so wonderful. North Chicago has such good potential. There are bits and pieces of beautiful areas in North Chicago that my grandson and I are touring. One time, I think on the beach, he saw a little glimmer of something that was beautiful. A building or something. “Come Grandma, look at this. Look at this! See, see that right there?” I see! Yes! He loves to drive around with me and look at things. We go to the beach a lot, and we are enjoying the changes that have recently been made.
I don't think [people] know how beautiful [North Chicago] is, and how beautiful it’s getting. There are a few houses that are really being well taken care of. New owners have come in and they're doing some magnificent, magnificent things. They're putting up attractive fencing, and flowers...
Those cosmetic things– do they really make a difference in a community?
It lifts your spirits. When I first moved here, I wanted to plant a garden; a flower garden in various areas of the city. Other cities have done that. Sometimes you can drive down the street and there's just a patch of beauty. Usually flowers or plants or something for no apparent reason. It's just there. That's what I would like to see us do. We do it a little bit on Argonne drive, and right in front of the City Hall they have a little patch of flowers. Just random acts of beauty for no other reason but to make us feel better. I like that.
Do you have a credo or motto– words that you live by?
It is as I believe.
It comes from my being blessed so much in life. As I change my belief– say I'm facing a difficult situation– and I just thank God for working it out for me. And then: and so it is. It gets worked out.
I believe that when we say to the Lord, "This is so. That is so…” He always says “Yes.” I'm going to destroy a building. "Yes." I'm going to build something beautiful.” "Yes." It is as you believe.
I, as well as everybody I know, seem to create our own experiences, based upon what we believe. I believe personally, that I'm helped with everything. That I live in heaven, I've got everything, and more good is coming to me every day. And so it is.
Click on the audio file to hear Diane explain the words she lives by
This conversation has been edited and condensed.