Nic

I’ve lived in North Chicago since I was born. Nineteen, going on 20 years. I got here because of my parents. My dad's been here since he was eight. He came from the Philippines. And he's, I think, 58 years old; so he's been here for a good while. I'm half Filipino from my dad's side and half French and German from my mom’s. My mom was raised in Gurnee though, and moved here maybe 25-ish years ago when she moved in with my dad .

I went to Saint Anastasia [Catholic School] in Waukegan, from kindergarten all the way until eighth grade, and then I went to North Chicago Community High School.

How was the transition for you, from a small private school to a larger public one?

Overwhelming. Very different then what I was used to. In grade school, it was predominantly Caucasians with some people of color– mostly Hispanic, Latino or Asians. The school was pretty okay-ish when it came to talking about other cultures. They would have a “cultural day” where we would all learn about different countries and their culture and stuff like that.

I was always proud of my Filipino identity, but in a way, I kind of forgot I was Filipino, as weird as that sounds. I saw that I had brown skin and I'm different from my classmates, but at the same time I forgot that until I got to high school. I guess it was just an afterthought in my mind when I was younger, even though I said I was Filipino, I didn’t feel Filipino. 

When I got to high school I became more in touch with my race and the fact that I was half Asian. It was especially like that because the school was predominantly people of color. I had opportunities to meet people who were mixed like I was and we talked about our cultures and what it was like being mixed– and even some issues we have with being mixed. I started to feel more in touch with my entire identity and being a mixed kid was part of that. 

While I ate Filipino food my dad would sometimes “Americanize” it in a way that would make it more appealing for us. Instead of using traditional ingredients like liver or chickpea or whatever else, he would substitute it for chicken or peas, for example. He told me it was because when my mom ate or heard about the dishes having that in it she said “eew.” So he said he assumed we would react the same way, but he still wanted us to eat our dishes.

But it turns out that wasn’t the case. Me and my brother love the dishes when they are made in a more traditional way. Even my dad has begun to make more food from his home country, and he always takes his time to explain what the dish is. My mom has also come around to enjoying the food in a more traditional way too!

High school can be tough for a lot of kids. Thinking about what you want to do and be as an adult, while developing an identity and trying to find your way in the world.

When it came to things about my sexuality and romantic attraction funny enough, it thanks to things like anime (an animation style originating from Japan) that I had my first glimpse of the queer community– or at least an idea of it– while when I was in 8th grade. When I got into high school I had a group of friends that were part of that community. Some bisexual, gay, lesbian, trans, or even questioning it. Talking to them about that stuff really helped me learn more about it as a whole and helped open my eyes. 

There were students at school who were out, meaning people knew they were queer, to everyone or only to select people like close friends. There were still people who would make fun of it, so sometimes you had to be hush-hush, and talk about it only with certain people because it was just annoying to deal with people who would make fun of you– or just bombard you with a million comments of “are you sure?” and “maybe I can change your mind.”

With me being nonbinary, I first came out as– and I know I'm using a lot of terms and you're gonna be like, oh my gahd, what is this?!– I came out as gender-fluid. Gender-fluid means that over time someone's gender expression; how they present themselves, more masculine, feminine, or androgynous– can change. Gender identity, where someone identifies as a man, woman, both, neither– or a mix of both– can change day to day, week to week or whenever they feel like it. And it’s different for every person. There isn’t just one definition of it.

When I thought I wanted to try using they/them pronouns and he/him pronouns, I asked my friends: “can you try using this for me for a little bit so I can see how I feel?” They did, and I realized I didn’t like she/her anymore. It just didn’t feel right to me. He/him was okay but that didn’t feel right either. But with they/them, I felt happy and comfortable with it. I felt confident and solidified, and I’ve been using that since. 

Some people may hesitate or even balk at the terminology, not because they don’t want someone else to be comfortable, but because it’s new to them and they’re unsure. That makes them uncomfortable. 

Queer is just an umbrella term for the whole LGBTQIA+ community. It used to actually be a slur against us, but the community has reclaimed it. It includes someone who's not cisgender -someone whose gender identity matches with the sex they were assigned at birth. I'm not cisgender because I don't identify as a female, as I was assigned at birth. It also includes people whose sexual/romantic preferences aren’t heterosexual. 

I understand that some people are like “oh these are just new fancy terms, these never existed back when I was young,” and that’s not true. Throughout the world and in many different cultures gender variances and same-sex relationships have been a thing for a long time. There are just “more” of them now because people now have a label to put on themselves to define them and it’s more accepted.

As humans we thrive off of labels, whether we realize it or not. It helps us stay connected but also to know more about ourselves. I know for me as a child, I knew I was asexual– someone with little to no sexual attraction– and I didn’t know if it was normal or even a thing. I thought something was wrong with me, but later when I learned the term I went “Oh, this is a thing, and other people feel similar to me!”

Some people say “Well, what if you change your mind when you’re older?” Well, then it’ll change. There's no point in only focusing on the what ifs of the future if you forget your present. If 15 years from now I go “you know what, asexual isn’t the correct term for me,” then that’s okay.

You say that COVID had a big impact on you. The lockdown gave you time to learn about yourself and your identity in the present, but also about your future.

Yeah! I graduated in high school in 2021 during covid. Now I’m at CLC (College of Lake County) as an English Major.

I started with psychology originally, because I like learning about the human brain and helping people. I'm like my mom, where I'm very helpful and I want to help when I can. Now with my friends “Hey, whenever you need me, I'm here for you,” even if it's just to talk. And they do the same for me as well. Sometimes it is just about things that are currently stressing us out like school or personal matters; we rely on one another when things get rough. But it wasn't always so great growing up when I had “friends” who were less understanding and very pushy. 

Especially when I was younger, there were times that I’ve had to talk people out of killing or harming themselves. I was a kid that just wanted to talk to my friends about games, and ended up getting that instead. So I was already like a little therapist when I hit puberty, and I just kept helping people without helping myself, and that really messed me up for a good while.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve been able to set more boundaries when it comes to helping my friends and people in general. I ask them to ask me if it’s okay to talk about that stuff, because I may not be in the right headspace to help or listen at that moment. But because I did that stuff at such a young age– it’s why I switched to English. I do still like psychology, but I do my own study now instead of actually pursuing it as a major.

English was my next best option. I like creating stuff. My family comes from a big, creative family. My mother's grandmother did a lot of writing before she died. Some works were published. My mother and my grandfather do a lot of art and always had a good eye on what looked good and didn’t. It’s just kind of been in our blood. Both me and my brother do writing and a bit of art. For me, while money is important, that job should make you happy first and foremost. 

What’s your idea of the perfect day?

Sometimes it's a rainy day where I can sleep under the sheets and it's nice and cozy. Or, it's a nice sunny day but there’s a cool breeze and I can sit outside with my cat and just chill with my family.

What are you most proud of?

Still being alive, I guess. As morbid as it sounds, honestly, still being alive.

As a life-long North Chicagoan, when I say “This is North Chicago,” you say what?

It’s Home. 

I'm comfortable here with my neighbors, with the street I live on, and the friends that I've made here. It's somewhere where I can always come back to.

This conversation has been edited and condensed.