W.B.M.

You've lived in North Chicago all your life except for a couple years when you lived in southern Illinois with family. And you’re one of five children; you have three sisters and a brother who has passed.

In '02, he and his best friend actually were murdered together. They went to Zion to visit some little girls and something about– somebody says something about one of the little girl’s kids. And the girl called her boyfriend and the boyfriend and his friend came over there. And instead of them wanting to fight them, that's how it ended. And so my brother was 16 and his friend was 15. The day before his friend's birthday. You know, and they were missing for six days. We looked for them for six days. And they were inside of the trunk.

What does that do to you? How does it affect you? And how does it affect your family?

Okay, growing up, me and my brother were quite close, because my mother was addicted to drugs. So it was me and my brother being the youngest…it was always me and my brother. I have the most memories with my brother, my sisters don't have as many. And I've always been an outcast, because of the fact that I was my brother's keeper. Like, you didn't have to like me– but you're gonna like him. You don't have to play with me– but you're gonna play with him, and you're gonna play what he wants to play. And if he says no more, I mean, you're not playing anymore. So when that happened to him, I felt like I failed him. So I turned into a really bad drunk. I was drunk 24/7. I woke up drunk and went to sleep drunk. I really didn't pay enough attention to my to my child, and he was way young at the time. I felt like my whole world was lost. I was my brother's protector. I supposed to protect them from everything. And I let this one moment get past me and I lose him forever. 

You say that with a bittersweet smile because you are talking about yourself and something that you've been through– but clearly, you've come a long way. A new place, obviously. How did you manage that?

My son. My son is my whole world. My son is my heart, my son is my life. I cannot survive without him. And it took me a second for it to dawn on me. But and then one day, I woke up and I felt like I was forgetting something. I just kept thinking like, oh my god, I'm forgetting something, forgetting something, forgetting something. And it was my baby. Since he was two and a half, three years old– we've been inseparable. So my son is what snapped me back into reality. Everything I did was for my child. After we lost our brother, oh my gosh, we are very overprotective of each other all the way down to the nieces and nephews And we lost my mother five and a half years ago. And that made us even closer. Because our mom. even with her having a drug problem? The World’s. Greatest. Mom. All my siblings, they would say like we had the world's greatest mother, like nothing or no one.

What do you aspire to? Where are you at now? What do you hope for for your future? 

Right now? I'm just honestly trying to make it from day to day. There is so much going on right now in the world– that in real life, I'm just trying to stay alive. I'm trying to keep my son alive. I want to–  honestly, I plan to be the world's greatest mom. I just want my son to live. That's pretty much it. I just need my son to be okay, and that that will make me okay. My son is 17 years old.

Oh, he’s not a baby!

He's my baby. He's not a baby. Honestly, he may be about 183,000 years old– He's gonna be my baby. So yeah, all right!

Other than your son, what are you most proud of?

My family. I feel like because we've come through so much and have overcome so many obstacles. I feel like my family I'm so very proud of them all the way down to the little bitty ones. I'm still very proud of them up to the oldest sister down to the youngest niece or nephew.

When are you the most happy?

With my family! With my sisters we have all so many laughs is constantly. I think We weren't even cracking jokes about my mom things she was doing. She was on drugs. And when she was alive, she would laugh with us. Because that's how close we were. We have so many good memories. 

How would your 17 year old son describe you? 

Caring. He called me his best friend. So I guess somewhere like we know. I know our history. He can't know all of my. But I know all of his secrets. That's what he would say– best friend.

Anything you'd like to share in closing? We’ve covered a lot of ground…

We have many good qualities: we’re very friendly in North Chicago!

Edited and condensed, this conversation took place in 2016.